girl [entries|friends|calendar] girl [ website | communities page ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[26 Oct 2009|03:42pm] I think gifts of charity and experiences are the best of all gifts. IE, donating to heifer international in someones name, or ski resort tickets. tell.

[28 Mar 2009|12:06am] Today, my friend and I were driving down the 60 west when I saw the bed liner of a large truck a few car lengths ahead lift up and come flying off. The monstrous piece of plastic made a slow arc through the air, followed by an accelerated descent, and careened towards my window shield. There was nothing I could do. The highway barrier was to my left, and in the brief second before I swerved to the right, I saw with the corner of my eye - a car was there. So I did nothing. Perhaps I thought that if I could keep my speed up I could go right under it before it hit. And as the cars to my right swerved and hit their brakes, my friend and I watched the piece...as it suddenly was swept up by a gust, smacked against the highway barrier next to us, and bounded over to the other side of the freeway. Behind us, dust clouds and smoke filled the air. According to my passenger, one car behind us had swerved off the highway and flew up the embankment, and others had stopped, their wheels smoking. After a few moments of bemused silence, I turned to my friend and said: Well, that was awkward! 2| tell.

[15 Nov 2008|02:10pm] I bit the bullet and signed up for a GRE course through Princeton Review. I know I could just buy the materials myself and study, but I did that a year ago, freaked out, and cancelled my date with the exam. Since then, I just haven't been able to get back to the books. The course is costly, but with that in mind and with the pressure of fellow students and a teacher, this hopefully will be the kick in the pants I need to take this exam. I'm tired of floating along. I want to go back to school, and start moving forward. These days, a bachelors in science is the equivalent of a high school diploma unless you a) have the right contacts or b) plenty of experience racked up in the field your interested in. Since I'm not sure what I want to do as a career, but I know in general what subjects I'm interested in (ecology and experiential education). I just feel it's time to go back to school and really utilize my time there. Update on my goals: - End of October, I'm attending an outdoor recreation and education conference. I am going to network my ass off. I will get names, numbers, emails, anything to help me figure out if I may have a future in this field. I attended the conference, turned in my resume to about twenty employers. I spoke with several people, including some representatives from three graduate schools in outdoor recreation. I got a response from several internships. They are mostly non-paying, but they will be on the backburner. If graduate school doesn't work out, they may be an option. I have saved enough money and paid off my loans, so I will be able to get by for a few months. - From Oct through Dec, every saturday, take a JC course in interpersonal communication Unfortunately, I could only attend one class before I was sent out of town for work. I had to drop the class, and lost around $80. I'm furious, but I will sign up for the class next quarter. I will try and get my money forwarded to the cost of the next class. - Create a online bulletin board for the outdoor company I used to work for with the help of my friend to improve communication and feedback between the guides and trip participants. Probably not going to happen anytime soon. This friend burned me pretty bad, and I don't want to be asking any favors from him soon. I have no idea and no time to figure this bulletin board thing out. There are other ways I can help and impress my supervisors. Right now, I'm designing a 5-day trip to Joshua Tree NP over Thanksgiving. This is a huge undertaking, because this is the first time such a trip is going out - and I am the only one leading it and have full responsibility over the design of the itinerary. I'm also going to turn in a report on my experience at the conference and how we can use what I've learned to help improve the program. - Move out of my room into another room in the house. Get comfortable with changing things in my life, and learning to adapt by making small steps first. One day I will HAVE to move, completely, and I need to learn how to be ok with that. I moved! And it's not too bad. I don't spend much time in the room anyway, so little, in fact, it's been about three weeks since I moved and I still haven't put away all the stuff in the right places. I'm throwing out most of my old decorations and putting up different things on the walls. I bought a beautiful little antique hutch desk for $20 at a garage sale, and expect to put everything away this weekend. It should look pretty good when everything is organized. Hurray for slightly-fresh starts! - Take a day to make appointments with and talk to my professors that I wish to get LORs from. Catch up, talk about potential for grad school. Still haven't done this. Honestly, I'm scared too. I ran into one of the professors at the farmer's market last weekend, first time I've seen him in over a year, and it was terrifying. I didn't know what to say, so I just said about two sentences of small talk, told him I'm going to check out those tangerines over there, wished him a nice day, and made a speedy escape. *headdesk* In the beginning of December, I'm meeting up with one of my old supervisors at my university position and I am going to ask her advice how to best approach my professors. I've been told by a lot of people to only go pester them only when I have a set plan in mind of where and when I want to go back to school - even better, after I have a personal statement already written and just hand a copy to them. Show true commitement to wanting to go back to school. - sign up for GRE course. It'll be costly, but I will never prepare for this exam unless I am in a course. The cost alone will drive me to study, and the structure of the course will help me study more efficiently. It's time I take this test. DONE! Well, at least the signing up and shelling out the cash part... I'm pretty excited. The class is going to be held right between work and home, really close by, and it's Thursday evenings. The only thing this disrupts is going to the gym, which I spend too much time at anyway. - Get on the Mt. Baldy ski patrol this winter. I slacked last winter, and this time, I'm going for it. Still hasn't snowed yet in the area, but this will be on the backburner till then. If things get too crammed with work and other major priorities, I won't go for it. It's a shot in the dark really, as a position that could open up other avenues. I don't know if the exchange of time, effort, and money that will go into getting on patrol for putting "ski patrol" on my resume is worth it. - Research getting on the local volunteer search and rescue team. I will get more information the next time I speak to my outdoor guiding supervisor, which will be this Thurs. We'll see what is required. If there is a lot, I may have to nix this idea. We'll see. tell.

[18 Oct 2008|01:02am] how the shit was my profile pic changed?? 2| tell.

[24 Apr 2008|07:09pm] I just heard the most fantastic analogy about dating ever. "Dating is dangerous for me... I get to close too fast and then I get hurt... like a little sparrow that keeps flying into the same window pane over and over and over and over again..." Thanks, Samantha Who! I laughed for a full two and a half seconds! 1| tell.

[10 Apr 2008|10:49pm] I can run 5K! Gasping and wheezing and took about three weeks of running two to three times a week to get to it, but I can do it!! About time too, cause the race is this weekend. Yipe! 2| tell.

[09 Apr 2008|04:00pm] Have any of you every seen something so beautiful it literally made you cry? What was it? 10| tell.

[02 Apr 2008|07:35pm] This has probably been said before, but if there's one thing that I can plan on in my life, is that my life ALWAYS turns out not as planned. tell.

[29 Mar 2008|11:56pm] I just bought outside lands festival tickets. And am several hundred dollars poorer. Man, why is good live music so expensive these days? 2| tell.

[05 Mar 2008|11:52am] This is pretty interesting: http://www.peterrussell.com/Odds/WorldClock.php tell.

[05 Jan 2008|04:33pm] High time for an update. What am I doing right now? Folding socks. Yes, kids, this is what out-of-town-every-goddam-weekend ania is doing this rainy saturday. I'm folding socks and thinking about life. 1| tell.

[24 Nov 2007|11:51pm] I am currently reading Fatu-Hiva, by Thor Heyerdahl (the same author of the Kon-tiki adventure) . I bought it at a garage sale several years ago in Tahoe, and haven't picked it up since. Part of the reason is the back cover description, of how a 23 year old and his wife go to live on a tropical island to study how the fauna and flora ended up there from the mainland. They lived off the land, paid no taxes, owned no things. I figured it's time to get over the mad envy, :), and be inspired. I won't get out of this town right this moment, but maybe, when I finally go, it will be on to great things - things made of MY dreams. 2| tell.

[25 Oct 2007|10:57pm] I never thought these fires would be so bad. This is insane. Anyone who has home or families out in that area, I'm so very sorry. tell.

[13 Sep 2007|08:01pm] There's a certain spot in this town, and I'm sure such a spot exists somewhere in every town, where I feel at peace. It's pretty hard to get to, but that's part of its appeal. 1| tell.

And the hermit hippy in me rears her mostly repressed head... [02 Aug 2007|12:19am] I got chills after seeing this. The trailer looks good, but it's the type that looks good with a very big potential of turning out bad. Especially since Vince Vaughn is in this. The funny thing is, I didn't really like the book. It seemed to consist of a lot of guessing and a lot of dry facts. But somewhere, buried under all that, there was this incredible idea... this brave, lonely dream, one that was actually carried out. What that boy did? I wanted to do, ever since I was a little kid. I remember going on hikes with my parents, and I would look off the trail towards the peaks, towards the horizon, and something inside of me just screamed to leave the path when they weren't looking. And just walk and climb until I could walk and climb no more. Get lost - on purpose. I always wondered, always wanted to find out, would I - could I - survive? Oh, to spend each day seeing what's beyond that hill, what's down that river, what's past the horizon. My favorite childhood book? My Side of The Mountain. Now, I know that it takes a lot more than a role of fishing line and and a knife to survive in the wild. A huge chunk of it, unfortunately, is luck. It's a harsh place - beautiful, but it doesn't give a shit about you. You can die over the smallest things. Tripping over a log and spraining your ankle. Falling into cold water. Eating a potato-like plant that fucks up your metabolism so no matter how much you eat, your body starves to death. We are such frightfully delicate creatures - we aren't built anymore to survive that kind of world, especially alone. Despite all the dangers, some small part of me still wants to pursue the "Great Adventure", to leave everything, journey across the land, see all the magnificent wild places, to live off guts and what I can carry on my back. And I'm sure there are millions just like me. But there have been only a few people who have actually acted on that desire, and just plain did it. And many of those didn't come back to tell the story. McCandless, Reuss... Some people said they were stupid. But most admired them for what they did, despite the heavy cost. 2| tell.

[25 Jul 2007|09:25pm] Whilst surfing the wave of pottermania, I found this gem. ps. no spoilers for the deathly hollows. Maybe spoilers for the order of the phoenix. And if you haven't read that or seen the movie yet, well, then you really don't care about being spoiled for that in the first place. 1| tell.

Different kinds of love... [13 Jul 2007|01:59pm] "If you ain't got love" by mason jennings on the train ride to paris up from sunny barcelona we rose up through the mountains as the sun started setting and the sea came out below us as we rolled through a village we passed ten feet from a little porch where a man was serving dinner and our window was open and we could hear them laughing i’m never gonna give you up what do you got if you ain’t got love if you ain’t got love what do you got if you ain’t got love at nine in the morning after nine months of waiting you were born and i saw your face and you looked up at me but before i could hold you the doctors raced you from me they told me that you might not live your heart was not healthy and with wires coming from you i sat beside you i’m never gonna give you up what do you got if you ain’t got love if you ain’t got love what do you got if you ain’t got love someday, someday soon you and i will both be gone lately i can’t help but think the love we feel will live on at a little wooden cabin up in northern minnesota we ran together down to the dock and you jumped right off it and from out in the water you called me to join you and i said baby i cannot swim if i jump i’ll surely drown you you said life has no limit if you’re not afraid to get in it and oh baby i jumped to you since then there’s nothing i can’t do i’m never gonna give you up what do you got if you ain’t got love if you ain’t got love what do you got if you ain’t got love someday, someday soon you and i will both be gone but lately i can’t help but think that the love we feel will live on 2| tell.

[06 Jun 2007|09:28pm] There's just something about going on a nice tough hike and then having some pizza and an ice-cold beer afterwards. It could be described as contentment. 1| tell.

I may not be anybody's favorite person, but I am capable of goodness [24 Apr 2007|11:47pm] I may not have a lot, and I definitely don't have what I really want. But what little I have...it's not so bad. I just need to remember that. 3| tell.

because I just can't say it to anyone else... [06 Apr 2007|02:34pm] You know that saying, a good friend stabs you in the front? This last year out of school, it has been heartbreakingly proved true. I know, I know, those friends aren't even worth having, those that forget you the moment you walk out their door, but God. It still hurts, so. damn. much. I never thought I would feel so abandoned, so worthless, so replaced. It's so much harder in that though I am out of their lives in one way, I still see them everyday, spending time with one another and strengthening their relationships with each other and others. I don't know what to say to them anymore. I want to hurt them, I want to scream at them, I want them to feel the same loneliness I feel. I want to know why I'm not good enough anymore and what I need to do to change. But I do nothing, say nothing, because whatever I think of saying, it will only make them angry, confused, annoyed. I know they will never understand. It's awful enough when the knife goes in. But it's even worse when though you try as you might, you can't get it out. 9| tell.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]